In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Happy Happy Joy Joy.”
The last time I cried tears of joy? Frankly, I don’t usually cry tears of joy, with the exception of the birth of my children. Those tears came each time I held my beautiful and healthy new baby in my arms. They were tears of joy mixed with tears of relief (the painful labor was over) and the wonderful result was lying in my arms.
I do remember crying tears of joy and relief when I realized the severe depression and paranoia I had been suffering with for years had finally lifted and I could, in fact, feel joy again. My depression had slowly consumed me. It felt as though I was in a pit and suddenly the bottom fell out.
I will never take feeling joy for granted. Not after what I went through. For a very long time I felt that I would never smile again, much less feel joy again.
Many people do not realize that those who suffer severe depression do not have the control to shut it off at their own will. It consumes you and takes control. It does not allow you to “just turn it off.” Particularly if it is caused by a chemical imbalance. In order to overcome it, it takes an enormous amount of work and the correct medication. I believe doctors have become better trained for mental illness and chemical imbalances and that medications have evolved to produce much more satisfying results than they did in years past.
This post is suppose to be about joy and not depression. But, how do you know what joy feels like if you do not also know the pain of sadness?
I can safely say, without a doubt, that true joy is priceless.
To each person reading this, I wish you a very Happy New Year and I wish you the best of everything wonderful.
Peace, Love, JOY and Hugs
I am very adept at putting “normal” on my face and hiding my real self from most people. However, sometimes anxiety strikes me and I become overwhelmed with whatever it is that I am feeling overwhelmed about.
Why am I this way? This is how I feel…
It feels like so many people during my life have taken so many chunks of me that I am continually morphing into less of a person – mostly because the very same people that have taken those pieces, harshly judge me, causing me to feel that I am less – not worthy – and broken.
It feels like these particular people who have “picked me to death” throw stones at me and with each stone which is thrown, it feels like I am becoming less and less.
Fear consumes me; fear of more painful rejection, fear of making mistakes, fear of being punished, fear of being abandoned, and fear of being lost. My fear is the child of low self esteem who was conceived from the actions and words of unkind people.
All my life I have had to become less so certain people in my life could become more. Because, to them, to become more was to take away from someone else. You know that type.
So I struggle. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle to rid my thoughts of those horrible memories and to fill my mind only with that which is kind, and good, and true, and beautiful.
I must forgive. I must forgive my attackers and I must forgive myself. I am working on it. Sometimes, it is just so hard. So damn hard.
Now that I have told you my secret… I’m not sure if I can hit “Publish” — because it is so much easier to hide.
Sometimes it isn't easy to fight against all the negativity that has come our way in our lifetime. There are days that all that negativity in my life bans together to gang up on me. Today is one of those days.
Do you ever feel like all the harsh words and wrongful deeds ever done to you and all the mistakes that you have made in the past, are all tumbling down on top of you? It sure feels like that to me today. I keep hearing all these negative and hurtful things being said to me and seeing all the mistakes that I have made.
I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!
Instead, I am allowing the sonshine to fill up my beautiful and tortured soul.
Picture from Pinterest. (Thank you Pinterest).
Why is it that after a busy holiday season, Christmas and New Year's, there comes with it some sort of let down that puts me and a lot of other people into a depressive mood? Maybe because we are so tired, or because family has left, or there was no family there at all. Whatever, the reason, it is OKAY TO HAVE A PITY PARTY! Seriously! Who doesn't have one on occasions? So, I decided to post:
PITY PARTY PARTY RULES
1. Set a time limit. As for me, I set 15 minutes. I will tell myself that I can throw this pity party for 15 minutes. After the 15 minutes. ZAP IT! (Most of the time it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But it is always worth a try). Have a timer? Set it.
2. Invitation List: ME, MYSELF AND I. No one else is invited. (Private Party, Sorry).
3. Journal: It helps to write it out.
4. Entertainment: Sad songs or sad movies. If I let myself cry it out I always feel better. (I think it has some type of cleansing element to it).
5. Food: Chocolate! Lots of chocolate! (Or any food that makes you feel better – comfort food).
6. Psalms. Read Psalms from the Holy Bible. (It always helps me get out of a blues mood).
7. Enlightment: There is always someone that has it worse than you.
8. Service. Help someone else. It is a great way to feel better!
9. Call a friend. Sometimes we just simply need to vent.
10. Rest! Take a nap. (There is something healing about sleeping).
Well, my timer just went off. I think I will have another piece of chocolate!! 😀