Lost and Found Part 3

Today’s Writing 101 Prompt: Imagine you had a job in which you had to sift through forgotten or lost.

For inspiration, ponder the phrase “lost and found.” If you’d like to continue our serial challenge, also reflect on the theme of lost and found more generally in this post.

In your “lost and found” tale, tell us something larger β€” a life lesson, perhaps β€” about finding and losing .

————————————————————————

For the previous two installments of this story click on Part 1 and Part 2.

My illness wasn’t solved by one hospitalization. It took several more hospitalizations and then, to finally find the right medication.

Making it more difficult for me to heal from my mental illness was the fact that I did not have the support of my family. Some of them believed I was faking it, all of them were ashamed of me, and a few thought my depression was merely me feeling sorry for myself. That was a lot of baggage to place on me when I was already severely unstable. This type of treatment by family was one of the worst things they could do to me because it practically guaranteed I would not be able to heal or if I were to heal it would take much much longer.

All of my hospitalizations seem to “melt together.” I remember two women introducing themselves to me,

“I am Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow.”

“I am Merry Merry quite contrary, how does your garden grow?”

I remember the young man that had fried his mind using the drug, LSD, who now could only sit in a corner all day and play with himself. I remember the young woman that stayed in her room all day and made herself “feel better.” I remember the young lady who couldn’t talk anymore. I remember the friends I made while being hospitalized.

I also remember the “camping trip therapy” that I attended with my two besties from the hospital.

They took us somewhere in Utah and gave each of us a gallon of water, a tarp, and a sleeping bag. That was it. We were to go off by ourselves and set up a camp and sleep there all night (alone). I set up my camp in close proximity of a very old Anasazi Indian ruins, so the Indian Spirits would keep me safe all night. (The Anasazis are an ancient Indian tribe that have gone extinct. They built their homes on the sides of very high cliffs). I also made sure I could see the two camps of my two friends. I remember being afraid that bugs would get into my sleeping bag and wasn’t able to sleep because of that fear.

The next morning we all stumbled back to the main camp for that “much desired” cup of coffee. I remember how good it felt to make it all night sleeping alone in the wilderness. And, I remember how how hungry I was after not eating for 24 hours.

The purpose of this camping trip was for us to get in touch with our spiritual side.

I remember on our way back to the hospital and all of us campers being very tired because none of us were able to sleep. We stopped at a cafe on the way to take a break. There was a shiny black car parked in front of this cafe. We could see ourselves in the shiny black paint and our bodies appeared grotesquely distorted. We all laughed until we cried at our distorted images in this car.

Finally, my biggest breakthrough from my mental illness came during my last hospitalization and my psychiatrist put me on anti-depressant medication. Once we found the right dosage, I could finally see an end to my suffering. Although I couldn’t understand why my previous doctors had not put me on this medication, I was elated to find a medicine that could actually help. Sure enough, it was a chemical imbalance and we had found the right medicine to solve that imbalance.

After years of suffering through this painful mental illness, I finally reached the light at the end of “my” dark tunnel. Finally!






Β 

Advertisements

32 thoughts on “Lost and Found Part 3

  1. Glad you finally found the right fit medication wise. Trying to find the right medication(s) can be like a shot in the dark, even though psychiatrists are doctors they don’t know which medications will work for which people. That is why they didn’t try it on you before. Thank goodness you have been better and doing great!

    • Yes, you are probably right Mandi. I wish they had tried them on me but it could be they were so new back then that they didn’t know that much about them or hadn’t perfected them enough to try them. ???

      • That’s a likely scenario. I know my Baba had mental health issues as well but she is older than you, and about 5 years ago the doctor told us this medication she’d been taking for like 25 years was now found to be ineffective. So, always makes me wonder about meds

        • That’s true! Sometimes though, in the beginning, the medication does work but after awhile the system is so use to it that it doesn’t work anymore and the medication needs to be changed. I take anti depressants and I have had them changed several times. The last Rx I am on has been working for me for many years.

  2. An unhappy time PJ, but at last you pulled through in the end. It’s always a long road through illnesses like this and finding the right medication. I’m so glad you’re keeping well now.

    • Thank you Millie! I am so glad too. I have told my story now and can go forward with much more pleasant things! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Thank you for reading and commenting. πŸ™‚

  3. I’m so sorry you had such an experience Priceless. It makes me shudder thinking of what people have to go through for mental health care. I’m glad the right medicine and care was found and your story is at a different point now. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much Colleen. I too am glad I was able to get the right medication. It made a world of difference. What is wonderful these days, there are good medications that people don’t have to suffer like they use to have to suffer.

      • I can’t believe what you had to go through to find anti depressant medication Priceless. To us “now” a days, that seems so extreme. I’m sorry for the experience of it for you, but glad of the final outcome.

        • Yea, it’s pretty crazy it took so long to put me on those. I’m not sure if it was because antidepressants had not been on the market very long or not. It seems like antidepressants have been available for forever, but they really haven’t. Or maybe I had not heard of them.

  4. Good read. Interesting to think the hospital would not consider the wandering mind if you didn’t normal sleep outside. It’s a wonderful thing to be in those places.

  5. A miracle powered by your inner strength and determination, nice to see you were ready to enjoy the world without fear…. πŸ™‚

  6. I again can relate to you, the “uncaring” family, the people in hospital each with his/her own reaction, medication that works at the end. Good on you for standing strong again. Never try to give up on your medication. I tried and it just did not work without it. πŸ˜€

  7. Family can be so ignorant and cruel when it comes to any kind of mental ill-health. I am so glad they found the right medication to sort that chemical imbalance and I hope your family are a little more supportive

    • Yes you’re right. Family can be the worst support with mental health issues. My psychiatrist asked me to tell my family members to call him. The only one who would call him is my mom. He explained to her what my illness was and then she believed me. She told my siblings and they changed their attitude too, but this was a long time after I became ill.

  8. Hi PJ, I’ve missed you so much and I hope you are doing good. I’ve been away because so much has happened in my life that it has led me back to this piece you wrote sometime ago. I can relate to it in some level and I was hoping if you can help me because I have so many questions. Take care and hope to hear from you soon.
    P.s: I feel much more comfortable if you could email me please. Thank you *hugs*

I would love to read your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s