Writing 101 Assignment: Serially Lost Part 2
Part 1 can be found HERE.
My depression became so severe that I had a psychotic break, where my mind lost touch with reality. I was taken to Albuquerque, NM to see a psychiatrist and I was in full-blown paranoid psychosis/depression. She had me hospitalized immediately in a mental health facility. I was placed in the restricted ward of this hospital so I could be watched more carefully. This is the ward that suicidal patients were placed. Surprisingly, there were quite a few patients in this ward.
My bed was in a large room which was shared with about seven other women. The first thing the nurses did was make me strip down so they can count and note all my scars. They take away all possessions, including shoe strings. I wasn’t allowed to have anything.
As soon as I finished my incoming check with the nurses, I started pacing, back and forth – back and forth. My mind was filled with extreme worry. It felt as though the entire world was on my shoulders. It was an extremely terrifying feeling.
After a time of pacing, one of the nurses on the ward joined me and began pacing with me. At first, she said nothing, just continued to pace with me. After awhile of our silent pacing, she asked me, “What is wrong?”
I replied to her, “I can’t tell you.”
Somehow, she was able to get me to sit down at a table with her. She asked me again, “What is wrong, please tell me what is wrong.”
I answered her with what I believed, “I can’t tell you. If I tell you it will come true.”
She responded, “No, it won’t come true. I promise it won’t come true.”
I knew I had a choice, to either trust her or not trust her. I had lost trust in everyone at this point but for some reason, my inner voice told me to trust her.
“It’s the end of the world.” I said with trepidation, hoping and praying that the roof of the hospital wouldn’t fall in for saying it.
She softly answered, “No. No, it’s not. It’s not the end of the world.”
I quickly realized the world didn’t end. At that moment, I finally began my long process of healing.