Lost – Writing 101 Assignment 4

Part 1 of 3 of Serially Lost for Writing 101

There are so many things that I have “serially” lost, that I don’t know what to write about or where to begin. After some thought, I decided to write about “losing my mind.”

When my husband and I divorced, the divorce itself and the custody battles that ensued was more than I could handle, emotionally. The severe depression I was in plus the stress on top of that, finally caused me to have a nervous breakdown, and I cannot even begin to tell you how horrible that is.

My mind began racing and I could not get it to stop. I completely ceased sleeping as my thoughts would not allow me to sleep. I became extremely paranoid and I was literally living in crippling terror. I would stay up all night pacing, trying desperately to sort through all the horrible thoughts haunting my mind. I felt like my mind was trying to solve a puzzle but I didn’t have all the puzzle pieces I needed in order to solve it, literally making me mentally and emotionally crippled.

The first time I went to the hospital they gave me a shot to help me sleep, although, against my wishes. I slept for quite a while and I was much better when I woke up but I wasn’t healed from what was causing me not to be able to sleep. To begin with, I didn’t feel like I had control over my own mind. My thoughts were racing and I felt I could not stop it from racing. My sense of smell was much more acute. When I was in the hospital I could smell the mingling smells of all the food from the cafeteria and it was nauseating

Some things that helped me during these terrible times were my journaling and walking. In order to gain some semblance of sanity, I was either writing or walking. These activities were soothing to me and helped me make it through yet, another day.

To be continued…



56 thoughts on “Lost – Writing 101 Assignment 4

  1. I can relate. I’m sorry you had to go through this but I can tell you I experienced similar things when I had a psychotic episode. My hearing to this day is very sensitive even though I’m mostly well

  2. I have not gone through a divorce but I have dealt with your same feelings on “losing your mind” in dealing with other situations. I know the divorce and custody often are a combined event. But, I cannot imagine having to go through that all in one whammy! I hate it that you have had to go through that but I do look forward to reading the rest of your story!

  3. Joy, I’m so sorry that you went through that. I’m glad you found journaling and walking to be helpful. Both are very beneficial in many ways, and your blogging posts are great!

    • Thank you Jessie! This happened to me many years ago. I am in the Writing 101 class and we were to write about something we lost and write it in installments. LOL. I thought I would write about this. Hopefully it isn’t too depressing.

    • Thank you Lucile! Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. I am taking a Writing 101 class and this was our assignment for yesterday. In the future, we will continue with the installments to our post today. So it will be coming sometime in the future!

        • I just read yours too Lucile. I would like to see you open up a little more and let us, your readers, inside your life. If you decide not to because it is too painful, I understand. You are an excellent writer!

    • Yes, they are. They are very theraputic. They certainly helped me get through a very difficult time in my life. I have found that it is easier for me to talk about this time in my life since I have been blogging on WP. Before it was just too painful and I felt a lot of shame for being “mentally ill.”

  4. Thank you for being brave and sharing your experience. I can’t wait to read more…
    Too many people suffer from one form of mental illness or another. I was amazed when I stumbled upon the group NAMI. They are all about education in this area. I highly recommend them if you have never checked them out.
    Keep up with your writing! It is good!

    • Thank you so much Michelle for your kind words! I have never heard of this group but I will check them out. It has always been very difficult for me to talk about this time in my life because of the shame of being labeled, “mentally ill.” Since I have been blogging on WP I find it has become easier for me to be honest and open about my past and hopefully share so others can learn from me or have hope for their healing. Thank you again for reading and for your sweet comment.

    • I understand that about “liking” a post like mine. You didn’t need to apologize, I certainly understand feeling bad for liking a post that is sad. I have to laugh about it because I have found myself in that same position so many times reading and commenting on people’s blog. I am doing this for the Writing 101 class I am taking on WP. Yesterday our assignment was to write about Loss and make it a serial. In other words, later on in the class we will be asked to write more about the loss we wrote about today. All I know the installments will come sometime in the future. Thank you Colleen!!

    • Ahh Jodi, that is so sweet and I am so grateful for your empathy. This was many years ago (of course I cannot forget it!). It was a very very difficult time for me and I am just so thankful it is in my rear view mirror! lol!

  5. It’s good to see you telling your story publically. That is a real sign of healing and health when you are able to tell it to others. It helps me each time I tell my story and it also helps others as you have done with this story. God Bless. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you Susan! I appreciate you taking the time to tell me this. I believe you are right – it is a sign of healing. A big part of my healing was to stop being ashamed of this difficult time in my life and open up about it. Maybe my story can help or encourage someone else who may be going through it or have a loved one going through it.

  6. I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to go through all that. No one deserves to go through something like that but I’m glad you were tough and made it through it all. From what I can tell you’ve come a long way and you should be very proud of that. I’m glad you are doing well and thank you for sharing such a personal story. *hugs* πŸ™‚

  7. Writing does have a way of making certain things a bit better. It really is a relief Pj to know you are fine now, i can’t imagine how it must have been. ❀

    • Yes, writing helps get those mind demons out of our head so we can slay them. LOL! It was a very difficult time in my past and thank God that is over! Today there are much better medications than they had back then. And, they have found that most of these mental health breakdowns are caused from chemical imbalances and can be treated appropriately. Thanks for reading and commenting — I really appreciate the love coming from you!

  8. Am sorry you went through that, but again i would say you are a fighter since you tried to overcome all the suffering through journal and walk. I have come to realise that through writing am letting go of so many happenings.

    • Thank you so much Ninakimani! I appreciate your kindness and empathy towards my illness. Thank you for your concern. Writing is healing for many things and very therapeutic. Again, thank you for reading and commenting. πŸ™‚

  9. I feel for you! I am sure this was such a frightening time. My Mom had a nervous breakdown before I was born and I know it was scary for her as well. I am glad you have been brave with your blog to talk about it, for so many people out there suffer from mental illnesses and they need to be more understood. Its a real thing. HUGS to you my friend!

    • Thank you JR! Thank you for understanding and for your empathy. Yes, mentally ill people do need to be understood. Thank you again! (I’m sorry to hear about your mother but I am glad she has healed from it like me). πŸ™‚

  10. It’s so amazing that you’re sharing this joy, so many people will be able to relate and take something from your words. Those hyper senses, including smells, are quite common in a state of anxiety and depression, they were for me, anyway. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to experience such a messy divorce and through the courts, hardly surprising everything just came tumbling down. I like how you write about this, you show a perspective that has found healing and wisdom. Nice job

    • Thank you Cat. You have helped me be able to talk about this time of my life. I have always been extremely ashamed of having a “mental illness.” Of course that is mostly because my family was so ashamed of me. It feels good to put light on it and let others into that very difficult time of my life. I truly hope by doing so it will help others who are or have experienced it.

      • The more we talk, the more we break down our own personal shame and the stigma and judgements of other people. We are the face of the changes that will come in the future. It’s similar to homosexuality. Years ago, it wasn’t easy to come out and face similar shame and prejudices that we now experience with MH problems. People had to come out and be proud, before we were able to see any changes, but it’s not easy. I look forward to the next parts

  11. I know that feeling, it’s like no mater how hard one tries and even speak out, Stop thinking, stop this process, make the mind blank but the racing doesn’t stop not it seems to get exhausted….

    • Yes Ady, it is exhausting. When the mind races it is as though you no longer have control of your mind of thoughts the just take off on their own path and it is exhausting. Thank you so much Ady for understanding.

      • It has been quite few years with this feeling. It was getting worse for me in 2012, not as much as yours but bad enough…I was prescribed medicines but then my partner didn’t approve, I left the place where I used to work alone, changed my city to my partner’s and began a new life , I still am afraid of being among people and many more things but slowly I might recover…

        • I am so sorry to hear that your partner didn’t approve of your medications because much of the reasons this happens to us is because some of the chemicals in our brains are out of balance and the medications help balance those chemicals. I wish your partner would allow you to take them. The right medications were like a miracle for me. It hurts me to think you are still having to suffer with this.

          • He was afraid that they might bring unintended harmful changes and since then he has bee trying to take care of me in every possible way with the hope that one day I will become stronger and overcome it, and I too am confused if I should go for medication or try harder to overcome it πŸ™‚

          • All medications have the possibility of side effects. I have been fortunate that I don’t have any side effects. The medicine for me was a miracle. It was a chemical that my brain desperately needed. If you are suffering I would say for you to see the doctor and talk to him/her about your concerns. There is no reason for women to have to suffer anymore. Possibly you could take you partner with you to the doctor??

          • I will try to convince him this time πŸ™‚ Meanwhile I will explore more on it on internet. Thank you for listening to me πŸ˜€

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