Ryan Lance Writing Prompt 3-9-2015 III

There is Hope


Feeling tired and sullen, Elisa went into the sitting room to lie down on the sofa and noticed Reesey had left his hockey mask when he went to visit his daddy.

That is all it took for her to burst into sobs.

Dammit! I didn’t want this. I didn’t want our marriage to break up and our little boy to have to be packed up and moved back and forth between us. It isn’t fair. It isn’t fair to him and it isn’t fair to me.

Suddenly the phone rang and jarred her from her lamenting.

“Hello.” She said, trying to hide the fact she had been crying.

Reese’s daddy, Jude, was on the other end of the phone.

“Hi.”

“Hi Jude.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“About as well as you could expect me to be.” She flippantly retorts.

Elisa was angry. Why is he calling and playing these games with me? My heart can’t take it anymore. He was the one that wanted to leave, so he left. Why add salt to the wound?

“I found those two concert ticket stubs you were looking for.”

“Oh. Where did you find them?” She asked, with forced enthusiasm.

“They were in my jeans pocket.”

“I was going to put them in our family scrapbook, but I guess I don’t need to do that anymore.”

“Elisa, that is the reason I am calling. I want to… I need to tell you I’m sorry. I really don’t want it to be this way. I want us to be a family. I don’t know what got into me. We need to talk. Will you go on a date with me and Reesey?”

Elisa was shocked speechless. What should I do? Should I allow myself to get my hopes up?

Her heart had been broken and she did NOT want to give him a reason to break it again.

“I don’t know Jude. You know I didn’t want this separation to begin with, you did. I can’t let you hurt me anymore.”

“I know Elisa. Please forgive me. Will you give me another chance?”

At that moment there was scuffling noise at the door and suddenly someone was jiggling the door knob. Startled, Elisa jerked her head up just as Jude and Reesey walked through the front door. Jude was holding a long stemmed red rose, and Reesey came running into her arms.

Elisa looked into Jude’s eyes and saw they were filled with tears that were spilling down his cheeks. Happy tears began to fill her eyes too.

The two loves of her life had come home. This time to stay.


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Ryan Lance’s Writing Prompt 03-09-2015

Include all these elements into a scene: a hockey mask, hope, a rose, and 2 concert ticket stubs

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31 thoughts on “Ryan Lance Writing Prompt 3-9-2015 III

  1. Hi Joy. I liked this story very much. I especially liked that you switched btw what was occurring and the dialogue in Elisa’s head. I was wondering if there was any reference to the song ‘Hey Jude’ by the Beatles in your work. I kind of felt it fit with Jude’s character. Really it was a fantastic story and so creatively included everything from the prompt.

    • Thank you Mandi! I have to admit that the song, Hey Jude, was in the back of my mind when I wrote this piece. But I didn’t develop the character from the song, (consciously anyway). I’m glad you liked my story and thank you for reading and for your positive remarks.

  2. Great story, PJ. You use all the challenge items really well. I thought I’d point out, though, that when you add a speech tag you should have a comma within the speech marks instead of a full stop and the beginning of the tag shouldn’t be capitalised – it should be ‘”Hello,” she said’, rather than ‘”Hello.” She said’. I hope you find that helpful. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Love love love this story!!!! It is so sweet and awesome! I am a sucker for love stories and this one has to be one of my favorites! Awesome work PJ! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

  4. Nice story, but I doubt he’ll stay, he already left his wife and child…mmm… she should kick his ass to the kerb!! Your writing gets better by the day ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I think we all feel the same. Sometimes when we write and edit and edit and edit… it all becomes rather cloudy and might sound rubbish, even though it isn’t. I think the self-doubt is our personal teacher

          • But, this is where we get our learning – by observing other people’s writing. I mean, I think I am one of the worst writers and must bore people half to death… but our teacher comes in many guises ๐Ÿ™‚

          • That’s the truth! That is why I wish more established writers would join the Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers but I am afraid the title of the challenge drives them away. Millie is an excellent writer. She is an established writer (published author). Hopefully more of them will come our way. Your writing is excellent Cat! I really mean that.

  5. I enjoyed your story. It had a happy ending. Although, I do hope they can resolve the issue that cuased the separation to begin with. There’s a lot of hard work to be done.
    I like stories that leave you thinking about what will happen. This one did that. You used the prompts very well. : )
    Isadora

    • Thank you Isadora. I am trying to learn to write better and come up with good stories for the prompts. I like the stories that are different – outside the box – and like you, leave you thinking about what is going to happen. I need to learn to stretch my imagination so I can come up with stories like that.

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