Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers 03-04-2015

Luther picked up his backpack and started walking again. The salty sweat poured down his forehead and into his eyes, bitter tears. It had been a long hard journey so far and every day became harder and the heat became more unbearable.

All he could think about was of his brother laying in that hospital bed with only one leg after his other limb had been blown off in the war.

Luther knew he would eventually make it to that hospital but he just needed a little help. “Please, I jus' need a ride cause this walkin' ain't getting me nowhere.”

A semi truck pulled over and honked. The driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, “Where ya goin' boy?”

“I'm goin' to the Veteran's Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia, to see mah brother.”

“Get in, young man. That's my next stop.”

144 words


This story is being submitted for the challenge, Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers. We are given a photo prompt to base our story on and are challenged to write a story of 100-150 words. This challenge runs from Wednesday to Wednesday (linking is Tuesday to Tuesday). Flash Fiction is fun and addicting. You are welcome to join the fun!

If you are interested in learning more, please check out this link: Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers.

 

 

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87 thoughts on “Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers 03-04-2015

      • You know sometimes I could easily say no but I’ve had some experiences that have led me to believe that angels are around us. My husband didn’t believe but one time we encountered a homeless man and he was so nice. When we gave him money he kept saying we would be blessed. As he walked away and went around a parked car he disappeared. It’s nice to know we have them looking over us πŸ™‚

    • I’ve seen angels (I’m pretty sure) Not like the ones you see in pictures though. At first I didn’t see them as angels but the more I think about it, the more I believe it is true. And the more I believe it is true, the more I believe in angels. I also believe in prayers answered. I believe in miracles.

          • Yes it is!! Colleen, I am feeling really bad that I don’t know who you are referring to when you wrote about “seeing” that person you are missing in a reflection of yourself. Did I miss an important post?

          • Oh gosh Priceless, please don’t feel bad. I purposely didn’t write it in the post in case others could relate to it for someone they may be missing. So I only put my “Father” in the tags. I wondered later if I should have put Dad in there somewhere. Don’t feel bad. Dad has been gone for 16 years. And I miss him. But I believe in prayer and all that comes with that. So I know I’ll see him again. And I am surrounded by so many who share so much of him. πŸ™‚

          • I don’t know how I missed this comment Colleen, but I sure did. I am so sorry about your dad. I understand the feeling of missing him. I do miss my dad although I didn’t really know him as my father. He wasn’t much of a dad to us growing up and then my parents divorced. He died in 1998.

          • My dad died in 1998! So we are entering our 17th year at the end of this year. I’m sorry you didn’t know him as a father. There’s just sadness in that.

          • Yes, there is. His last 3 months alive were spent in a nursing care home (he had cancer) and I went to see him every single day when I got off of work. He and I developed a relationship during that time (albeit short one). I am thankful to have had that special time with him.

          • I’m glad to hear you got that Priceless. I meet so many people who ‘wish’ they had been able to have those moments, or chances, to have relationships, or fix relationships, or just spend time they normally wouldn’t have. We lost our father suddenly and unexpectedly. It created a lot of “if only” moments for many. To our dads Priceless, for peace in their hearts.

          • Yes, I am grateful that I was able to have those few months with my dad and they were all just me and my dad. It wasn’t about the past it was about that day. Simply enjoying one another and being outside at the table. When I would walk in the nurses would smile and tell me he was outside waiting for me. And we would talk and talk for an hour or two – until he got too tired. I am very grateful to have had those few months with him.

          • I was in my dashboard and happened to see this comment and thought I had missed it from awhile back. Glad to know I hadn’t. I answered from my dashboard. I’m sorry about your dad, and I’m sure you miss him. I believe you will see him again one fine day. πŸ™‚

  1. Nice stuff. Well done. And right on word count. So I say, cut the last two here…”but he just needed a little help from above.” With “from above” you foreshadow deus ex machina. Remove them and you still hint at, but let the reader ponder, on the one hand or on the other… arbitrary or the angel? Just a suggestion, as the piece stands strong as is.

    Regards,
    Doug

  2. This is a great story. It certainly demonstrates Luther’s compassion for his brother, and the truck driver showed his compassion for Luther. Blessings come in many forms.

  3. Oh thank goodness! I saw hitchhiker and thought ‘noooo that pretty place is going to be his grave’. Instead it’s a little help from a good samritan

  4. Lovely as always! I do believe “angels” are put in our path exactly when we need them!! Great ending. There is only one thing I saw that you might want to think about changing and it is totally a personal preference thing. I was in a writing group once and the head lady said to try and avoid using the word “like” when comparing to objects. Maybe try that with the bitter tears sentence. She said that it packs more umpfh when you leave out the like. For me, I sometimes use like and other times I don’t it depends how it sounds when I read it πŸ™‚

  5. Luther was a determined young man who evidently loved his brother.That truck came just in time. You’ve already had a couple of suggestions about how to improve your story, so I don’t like to make another. The thing that stands out for me is the phrase ‘the heat seemed only to be getting hotter’. You could have said something like ‘the heat was becoming unbearable’ or ‘the temperaure was rising dramatically’ – or even ‘the day was becoming hotter’, or suchlike. Heat becomes greater, but not hotter. I loved the scene you created, anyway. πŸ™‚

  6. So refreshing to read a story with a happy ending ~ So many drivers these days are wary about picking up hitch-hikers ~ Yes I think there is something extraordinary between your interesting lines~ πŸ™‚

    • Thank you John. I enjoy writing stories with happy endings – more so than with sad or horrifying endings. I don’t pick up hitchhikers, I think it is to dangerous. But for the story, I had the truck driver (an angel) pick up Luther.

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