Broken and Repairing

Passing through the oversized revolving door, he danced on the precipice of bad decisions. He glanced down at the tear in his sneaker – a battle scar from a skirmish that reflected no aggression. It had been playful. Fun with a hidden element of danger not yet apparent. His head was just beginning to display early signs of imbalance – like a bobble head. Except the almost imperceptible bobbling was happening on the inside. It was a time when darkness loomed.

Now, many months later, the light has beaten back the dark in a war that was anything but playful. The lurking danger that had pounced on the back of fun has retreated. The bobbling has ceased. His head has reclaimed its stability and clings to it for dear life. His toe has healed, but the tear in his sneaker remains. As does the one on his heart.

*************** by whisper2scream

She was waiting at home for him gnawing on her nails with nervous fear. She knew he had been up to some shenanigans but couldn’t put her finger on it until now. Today, she planned to find out if it was true. They had been happily married for ten years, surely this wasn’t the end of their marriage? Most men stray at times don’t they? Does that make it okay? Hell no! She wasn’t going to allow it in her marriage and she would make that perfectly clear to him.

The knot in her stomach grew tighter and she felt the anxiety building up inside her bones. What if this is the end of their marriage? What if he is having an affair? What if….??

Her mind became filled with fear from the “what if’s”. That question made it hard for her to think straight. She had to think straight. She had to have it all together when he got home. She had to! But, could she? She felt her heart breaking more and more with each painful thought.

Someone was walking up the hall toward their apartment. Was it him? She sat up straight and flicked the ashes off her cigarette into the small glass ashtray. She held her breath as the front door opened.

**************by pricelessjoy



20 thoughts on “Broken and Repairing

  1. You have grown as a writer, PJ, and I am quite impressed. Your style is much smoother and your voice is original and it belongs to you!
    Your ideas and creativity for this piece are superb. Your organization of the narrator’s thoughts helps move the reader to your ‘I want more!’ ending. Good ending sentence, by the way.
    Your sentence structure is varied and lends itself to your style. And your voice is you, this comes through with your word choice. Words such as ‘shenanigans’ reveal your unique voice.
    Well done. I look forward to reading more.

  2. Wow! How great is that? (Maybe this should be our first assignment: everyone take whisper2scream’s “broken and repairing” to the next step? It would be interesting to see where they go. Do you hear my inner child crying: “I wanna play too!!!”)

    I think you have grown as a writer too! Your voice feels stronger, more distinct. And you chose the perfect place to begin your piece (I assume on the couch facing the front door) and the perfect ending (leave us in tension as the door opens)!

    One suggestion: (but remember, I really don’t know what I am talking about — I “feel” my way around reading and commenting) I loved the image of the knot in the stomach. Perhaps instead of the knot getting harder you could make it get tighter — you know, like knots do that are pulled taut. It is a minor thing and your piece works really well.

    • Take it away, Little Learner. This won’t be the official challenge, but I’d love to see what you would do with this. I’d be greatly honored.

    • Thank you for reading and commenting. I think that is an excellent idea! I am going to change it to reflect “tighter”. Your suggestion about taking whisper2scream’s post to the next level is a good idea. 🙂

  3. I liked what you have done with Broken and Repairing. You have unobtrusively taken the last sentence of Broken and Repairing and worked with it. The emotions were evident and structure reflected your own style. Great job.

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